Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
