babies were throwing up all over the place
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
