Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend