More tranny stories later!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah