I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.