Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter