Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"