cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.