WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
