Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
