We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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