last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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