How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
