I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just had sex on a roof
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
