Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
