i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
