maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
