i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
