I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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