White coat. Heels.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
