So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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