Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
