I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
