he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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