The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
not ubering you a puppy
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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