A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
