Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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