I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
