Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
