smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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