i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
