hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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