he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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