if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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