If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
