so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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