his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
