I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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