i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
