Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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