I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
