No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
