he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He felt like a one man threesome
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
