I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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