and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
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"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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