The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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