Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
