ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
