physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
