Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
