capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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