Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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