I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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