4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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