It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's shark week go big or go home
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
