My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
