sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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