he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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