she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
