Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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