ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
