the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
