You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
