Please, let me fuck your mom
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
