she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
