It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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