I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
