I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
