i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
