When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
