There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
