My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
