tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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