Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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