apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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