I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
