We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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