a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
