Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
